Still
by LoveNiaImani
Summary: SEQUEL TO JUST FRIENDS! This story picks up 3 years after Just Friends and will follow/explore this freaky, married, best friends version of Olitz as they deal with life and their full family.
1. Introduction

**A/N: It's been 84 years!**

 **I know...sorry, life happens and if you follow any of my other stories or me on tumblr, you know that I graduated college this past May and I took a vacation to celebrate. I have also been trying to branch out and live life more now that I'm a full adult without college holding me in place. I'm starting the job hunt** **and whatnot so I've been busy but I promised a sequel to Just Friends so here we are. This story is 11 days later than when I planned to post it. I rewrote this introduction chapter a few times and the chapter that was originally going to be this chapter turned out to be part of chapter one(maybe two?). I'm trying to get back into writing this version of Olitz.**

 **This story picks up 3 years after Just Friends and we are just going to explore freaky, married, best friends Olitz as they deal with life and their full family. The title** **is in reference to the song "Still" by Tamia. If you haven't heard the song before, maybe give it a listen.**

 **If you have ever read anything from me, you know I am really hard on myself and I have moments where I'm unsure of my writing so I hope this lives up to what you guys were expecting.**

* * *

 **Introduction**

"It's your birthday mommy," the cheerful voice of her three year old son was the first thing that Olivia heard when she opened her eyes.

"It is," she smiled at him.

Oliver leaned in a placed a kiss on her lips.

"Happy birthday, mommy!"

"Thank you, baby."

He leaned down and kissed her stomach.

"Happy birthday, baby."

"It's not the baby's birthday yet, Ollie."

"How come? If the baby is in you and it's your birthday, then it's the baby's birthday too."

She couldn't argue with his logic.

Olivia sat up slowly, careful of her seven month pregnant belly. Some days were better than others but today had been a slightly bad day. She had woken up with a migraine that morning. After eating, Olivia decided she just didn't have the energy for today so she went back to sleep.

Olivia grabbed her phone, pressing the home button to see the time. It was almost five o'clock. She had slept most of the day away. At least her headache had gone away. But now it felt like her daughter was pressing on her bladder.

"Do you need help getting up?"

"I got it."

Olivia stood up and walked into the bathroom. She emptied her bladder and threw some cold water on her face to wake herself up fully.

When she stepped out of the bathroom, Oliver was peeking out of the bedroom door. That's when Olivia noticed for the first time that it was quiet in the house, too quiet even.

"Where is everyone?"

He turned and smiled at her.

"Come on, mommy," he held his hand out and Olivia grabbed it, "Follow me."

Olivia let him lead the way as they headed downstairs.

"Happy Birthday!" her family and friends all said in unison the moment she reached the bottom of the steps.

"Oh, wow."

Olivia wasn't expecting all of the people who stood in her living room. She had some idea that her family was up to something based off of how Ollie was acting but a full scale surprise party was shocking. However they managed to pull this off with her sleeping upstairs was amazing.

She walked into the living room and was greeted by all of her family and friends.

"Happy birthday, Livvie," Fitz kissed her.

"You didn't have to do all of this," she whispered to him.

"I didn't do anything. You know how our families get. Everyone knew it was your birthday so they just showed up."

He was not believable at all.

"Yeah, right."

"Camille helped."

"It's always you two."

"I tried to call and cancel since you weren't feeling well but they came anyway."

"I'm feeling much better now. My nap helped. But I am starving."

"Your mom brought mac and cheese."

"With crab and bacon?"

Fitz nodded.

"You should have led with that."

He laughed, following after her as she made her way to the kitchen. The spread of food really excited Olivia. They had all of her favorites.

"It's just all so beautiful," she covered her chest with her hand, "I don't know where to start."

"You're so goofy," he chuckled, shaking his head as he left her to her mini buffet.

* * *

"Happy Birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Olivia. Happy birthday to you," a mixture of Olivia's family and friends sang.

"How old are you? How old are you?" Teddy sang the next part of the song after everyone had stopped singing.

Olivia shook her head and said nothing.

"How old are you, mommy?" Ava asked.

"She is forty-one," Camille answered when Olivia still remained silent.

"Wow, that's old," Ava looked actually surprised at her mom's age.

"Your dad is older," Olivia quickly said.

Fitz nudged her and Olivia smiled at him.

The wide eyed look Ava gave Fitz got a few laughs from people around them.

"Daddy you must be ancient."

"Wound me, kid," Fitz held his heart.

"I'm just playing, daddy," Ava held her hands out for Fitz to pick her up and he did.

"Mommy is the only old person."

The people around them laughed and Olivia rolled her eyes. Ava was such a daddy's girl.

"Are you going to blow out your candles, mommy?"

Olivia adjusted Oliver in her lap so that she could lean forward and blow out the candles on her cake.

"Thank you all for this. It was a nice surprise for you all to be in my home when I woke up from a nap."

"You sound like you don't want us here," Nina said.

"It's a good thing we know better," Camille chimed in.

"...Anyway, as I was saying, we don't all get to see each other as much as we would like but the fact that you guys made time in your busy schedules to be here tonight means a lot. So again, thank you."

A few smaller conversations broke out as Fitz cut the cake and served people.

"Since you're so old, when you have the baby will you be her grandma?"

Olivia could strangle her four year old daughter for asking her such a question.

"That's not how it works," Teddy answered before Olivia could, "Mom is not old. Older but not old."

"Thank you, Teddy."

Teddy nodded, "And you're not supposed to talk about a woman's age. It's rude."

"Sorry mommy," Ava smiled up at her mother apologetically, "You look good for your age. Like a princess. Princess Mommy."

Ava puckered up and Olivia leaned down and gave her a kiss.

"Okay. Bye mommy."

Ava ran off and Teddy took Ollie from her.

"Go mingle or something. I got him. It's your birthday, you are supposed to be having fun."

"I am having fun,"

"Have more fun. Like moving around fun."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Fitz hand rested on the back of Olivia's neck, fingers slowly, gently grabbing at the hair just above her neck. Fitz didn't want to push her head down because he didn't want to control her movements but with each swirl of her tongue, Fitz felt himself losing it.

Olivia laid on her side on the lower half of their bed, resting her head on his naked thigh, she went from licking head of his penis to kissing the side of it.

She looked up at him and bit her lip. Fitz groaned as his fingers got lost in her curls.

"There you are," she said before biting his thigh.

"You are awful."

"You are holding back."

Fitz's hand on her neck was his tell. He always did that when he wanted to take control during oral sex. There was something extremely hot about his dominating side in the bedroom. For the most part in their everyday life, he was gentle with her, always making sure she was okay, being very attentive to her every want and need. Fitz spoiled her and she loved it. But sometimes in the bedroom Fitz was a totally different person. He was aggressive and dominating. Demanding things of her body that Olivia didn't even know were possible. They made love and it was beautiful but nothing compared to the way her husband fucked her.

Olivia loved being submissive to him when they had sex, loved allowing him to be as animalistic as he liked. No one knew her body the way Fitz knew her body. No one had ever done to her body what Fitz had done. He would make love to her gently or fuck her hard, and each time, Olivia reveled in being completely consumed by him. Her body belonged to Fitz in ways that it had never and would never belong to anyone else. She was his and she loved how he claimed her each and every time they were intimate with each other.

The only problem was with Olivia being pregnant, Fitz was always so gentle with her. She knew that he meant well but she just wanted him to not act like he was afraid to touch her. His hesitation was the reason they were having less sex this pregnancy. She didn't even feel like bothering if he was going to treat her like a piece of glass that could break at any moment.

"I can't. Not like this."

"Your dick is going to be in my mouth either way so..."

"So what? You want me to shove my dick down your throat?"

"I want you to do whatever makes you feel good. What comes natural to you without you holding back. But instead you're ruining it."

"You're kinda ruining since you stopped mid-blowjob to give me a lecture," he mumbled.

"I started to bite you again."

Fitz stared at her intently for a moment as the grip that he had on her hair tightened.

"You want me to be rough with you, don't you?"

Olivia nodded.

Fitz pulled her hair, "I can't hear you."

"Yes baby."

With his free hand Fitz gripped his penis. Olivia watched mesmerized as his hands moved up and down, stroking himself.

"I want to feel your lips," Fitz rubbed his penis across her lips, "and the back of your throat."

Olivia parted her lips, allowing his head to slip into her mouth as she took him in inch by inch. Fitz guided her head down and up on his penis. He didn't try to control his hips as he thrust into her mouth, going deeper than he had ever been. Olivia relinquished all power allowing him to use her mouth to meet his needs.

"Oh fuck," Fitz groaned.

Fitz had a love hate relationship with receiving oral from Olivia. He never lasted longer than a minute, if that. It was always intense, almost too intense for him to handle. He had oral sex with other women before but nothing had ever come close to feeling like this. Fitz didn't know exactly what it was that Olivia did but even when he was in control, it would still be too much to handle.

Before he finished prematurely Fitz pulled her head up. He kissed her, not giving her the chance to protest.

"Get on your hands and knees."

Olivia moved into position and Fitz sat up and moved behind her. She wasn't expecting to feel his tongue slip inside of her from behind. A low moan escaped her lips. Olivia grabbed a pillow and placed it under her stomach. She spread her legs as far as she comfortably could.

"That's my girl. Open up that pussy," Fitz slapped her ass before diving back in.

"Uhhh fuck, baby. Shit," Olivia whimpered.

Fitz pulled her in closer as he alternated between licking her folds and sucking her lips.

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God," Olivia repeated. "I'm close, so, so close. I'm gonna come."

Fitz had her right where he wanted her so he pulled away, placing light kisses on her lower lips until he stopped touching her completely.

"Baby noooo," Olivia whined when she no longer felt Fitz's mouth on her. "Why'd you sto..."

She didn't get a chance to finish her question as Fitz roughly slammed into her.

"Ooh fuck," Olivia gasped. She sunk down into the bed as each stroke hit her hard than the last.

"Nah, fuck that. You wanted this so take it," Fitz gripped her hair, pulling her up until her back slammed into his chest, "Don't act like you can't handle the dick now."

Olivia was like putty in his hands. His words, his deep, fast thrusts, the way he held her firm, the feeling of being full of him, everything was working together to send her over the edge.

She wasn't able to prepare herself for the rhythm of his strokes so she didn't bother to try. She let Fitz fuck her the way she needed to be fucked.

Fitz moved his hand to her neck as he continued to pound into her.

"Oh God! Fuck yes."

"You love this rough shit, don't you?"

Olivia nodded.

"I can't hear you," he tightened the grip on her neck.

"Yes," she moaned out.

"Yes what?" he tightened his grip again.

"Yes, daddy."

Fitz used his free hand to massage her clit. The moment he touched her down there, Olivia felt her world shatter. Her body shook as her orgasm hit her. Fitz held her shaking body as she rode the way waves of her orgasm.

Olivia collapsed on to the bed, trying to catch her breath.

Fitz laid behind her placing kisses from her shoulder to her ear.

"Was that good enough for you?"

"It was perfect," she breathed out, "You are perfect. That was amazing. Thank you."

Fitz chuckled, "Are you thanking me for sex?"

"Your dick has powers, babe. I'm very thankful for it."

Olivia reached behind her and grabbed his dick, surprised to find him still hard.

"You didn't finish."

"I'm fine. It will go down eventually."

"I want to suck it," she moved her hands and down on his dick.

"Go to sleep."

"You're not allowed to tell me no on my birthday."

"It's like three more minutes left in your birthday."

"And you can't deny me in these last three minutes."

"You are very bossy," Fitz grabbed her wrist to stop her from stroking his penis and brought her hand in front of her.

"And you love it."

"I do," he bit her neck and she giggled. "Go to sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Okay."

Olivia turned her head and puckered up for a kiss. He gave her a quick peck, and rested his head in the crook of her neck.

"Happy birthday, Livvie."

* * *

Fitz followed behind Olivia as she walked through the empty house. They had visited this particular house four times so he knew it was her favorite of the homes they had toured. With their growing family, they had no choice but to upgrade to a bigger home.

"What do you think? Is it too big? The kids won't be kids forever. I don't want a house that's too overwhelming?"

The house was big but so was their family. It was a four story townhouse with 5,900 square feet of living space, an 1,120 square foot cellar, and 1,500 square feet of backyard with a patio. The house had eight bedrooms with bathrooms on every floor. An elevator servicing the cellar to the roof, which featured a rooftop garden. The master bedroom on the second floor had its own personal bathroom and massive walk in closet.

The house was a dream but standing in the empty space, it felt like it could swallow her whole. Did they really need eight bedrooms and four floors?

"We have at least eighteen years with a kid," he rubbed her stomach, "And besides this little one, we have five kids and extended family who will help fill this place for years to come. You love this house, Liv. Why are you hesitating?"

"I don't know. Being empty it just seems a little overwhelming. We are going from a five bedroom with an upstairs and downstairs to an eight bedroom with four floors and an elevator. The kids are going to be on a different floor than us."

"Good," Fitz smirked.

"Don't be nasty."

"I'm not. It will just be good to have some privacy for mommy and daddy things."

"Mommy and daddy things are what I got us into this situation."

"You enjoyed every minute of it."

"I did but damn your sperm."

Fitz laughed.

"I want to bring the kids here. I love it but I want to see what they think."

"Okay. We can do that. We'll grab the kids from school and stop by a little later."

"Today is a little tight. Teddy has basketball practice at five."

"I'm trying to close on this house by the end of the day. We have two months to move in before the baby comes. I would like us to be settled when she gets her."

Olivia didn't know why she was holding off of buying the house. She did love it but a part of her loved their home now. They shared so many amazing memories in their home. It felt like losing something that was a part of them. Knowing that time wasn't on their side and that they wouldn't find another place as perfect as this one, Olivia decided in that moment to just say yes to the house.

"You can call Gina and tell her we'll take it."

Fitz smiled at her.

"We can pick up the kids early from school and show them the house."

Fitz took out his phone and called their realtor to tell her that they would take the house.

* * *

Olivia loved being in the water. Swimming always was able to make her feel at peace and stress free. Since running and other exercises had gotten harder for her as her pregnancy went on, Olivia had found a prenatal water aerobics class to fill her fitness void. She would often times stay after class just to get a couple of laps in.

Olivia floated around the pool, resting after swimming six laps.

"I think they planned this," Nina's voice broke through Olivia's peaceful place.

Her statement had seemed to come out of nowhere and with no follow up, Olivia had to ask, "Who planned what?"

"Fitz and Harrison planned this," she motioned in between both of their pregnant bellies.

Olivia chuckled.

"Well maybe not Fitz since all he has to do is look at you and you get pregnant."

"What's your problem today?" Olivia asked as she swam over to Nina.

At five months pregnant, Nina was moodier and at times crankier than Olivia had ever seen her. Olivia didn't pay her any attention because she knew that it was just a part of her personality.

Nina's pregnancy had come as a complete surprise to her because she thought she was going through early menopause like her mother and grandmother had. But one trip to the doctors and she got the news that she was pregnant.

Nina and Harrison had hooked up the night of Olivia and Fitz's wedding. They had a few casual hookups in the months that followed and eventually decided to just go ahead and make it official. They had been dating for two years and although the baby wasn't planned, they were both working on being the best parents that they could be.

"Harrison is on my nerves because he doesn't understand me. I hate my job and I want to quit. Everything seems like a fucking waste."

Olivia could tell that this wasn't one of Nina's dramatic pregnancy moments.

Olivia climbed out of the pool and took a seat on the towel next to Nina.

"Start at the beginning. What's going on?"

"I'm just tired and stressed. I'm trying not to be emotional but I'm overwhelmed with everything in my life right now. I don't think I can do this."

Olivia was quiet as she waited for her to elaborate.

"The network wants to put me of the shelf until after I have the baby. They want to have someone else come in and do my show because apparently, no one can take me seriously with a human growing inside of me."

"That's bullshit."

"You know how long it took me to get a seat in the sports chair."

Olivia knew more than anyone how long and hard Nina had to fight to get in the sports casting chair. They had worked together eight of Nina's seventeen year career as an on air reporter. Olivia watched both behind the scenes and on the front lines as Nina worked to find her footing in what she wanted to report.

Once she decided that she didn't want to do general assignments and fluff pieces anymore, it took almost five years of ground work with her convincing different athletes and coaches to do interviews with her, despite her not having a name in the world of sports media.

"They can't do that. That's opening themselves up for a lawsuit on the grounds of discrimination if they try to pull you for being pregnant."

"They are not firing me. Just putting me behind the scenes."

"So what? That's still bullshit and they are not allowed to do that. Who's call was that? I can talk to someone when I get back in the office."

"I don't want you to do that."

"Why?"

"I am tired of fighting. I'm trying not to think with my emotions and do something I will regret. I'm angry, Liv. I'm damn good at my job. I've given seventeen years of my life to this job, ten of which were with this network. I would like some goddamn respect. I don't want you to have to fight for me. I want the damn producers and the station to see my value enough to not even bring me no bullshit like this."

"You're a black woman over forty in a male dominated career field. You are always going to have to fight. If you were doing general assignments and fluff pieces you wouldn't have to worry being sat down. But a lot of men don't like to be upstaged by a woman so they are going to come at you with everything they have. Right now, your pregnancy is an excuse, a way for them to get you out. You don't have to sit down and take it."

"Harrison thinks I should quit. Stay at home and raise the baby, at least for a year he says."

"What do you say?"

She shrugged, "I love my job but I don't feel respected and I'm frustrated but there is no way that I can just throw away my career. That's what I would be doing if I took a year off."

"This is going to be the hardest time in your career. Having your first kid puts things into perspective. It changes you and your outlook. You are going to have to shift some things around and figure out what is really important to you and make a decision from there on what you want to do."

"Was it this hard for you when you were pregnant with Ava?"

"I had a lot going on in my personal life when I was pregnant with Ava. Work was actually the easy part. After I had her, my days at work became longer and it actually felt like work. I was at crossroads but I stuck it out and a few months later my promotion came. Diving in to a new position was fun and exciting. It felt like everything came together in the end."

Nina sighed. All of what Olivia said sounded nice but she felt like she was drowning. For the first time in her life, Nina didn't have a positive spin on things. She couldn't see the forest for the trees and that made her easy.

"You have vacation days saved up?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you take a few days. Go away somewhere and clear your head. I can't tell you what to do and you're just going to keep being frustrated. Harrison will continue to annoy you since you're already frustrated. Time away from everything will be good for you."

* * *

Olivia closed her eyes and exhaled as she waited for this round of Braxton Hicks Contractions to pass. They seemed to be coming stronger as the day went on. She rested her head on the countertop, taking deep breaths. This had to pass. It was too soon for her to be in real labor but the pain felt real.

Olivia started counting to herself as the pain slowed down. When the pain subsided, Olivia grabbed her phone off of the counter and left the kitchen. She decided to monitor her pain. If it continued, she would have to call her doctor.

Teddy walked through the front door as Olivia was coming out of the kitchen.

"Hey Liv," Teddy threw his backpack down by the door but quickly picked it up after he saw the look that Olivia gave him.

"Hey. I thought you were staying with your mom tonight."

"I told her I wanted to finish backing up my room."

Olivia rubbed her stomach when she felt the pressure low in her abdomen again.

"What's for dinner?"

"We'll probably order out because I didn't cook."

Olivia closed her eyes as another contraction hit her.

"Are you okay?"

Olivia let out a breath, "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look good. I mean you don't look bad, you just look like you're in a lot of pain."

"I am."

"Pain isn't fine, Liv."

"I know," she let out a breath.

"I should call dad. Did you call dad? Knowing you, you probably didn't."

Olivia would have responded but a pain silenced her. Teddy went and grabbed the phone out of the living room and started dialing his dad's number.

"He's at gymnastics with Ava. They'll be home soon."

"I'm still calling. Better safe than sorry because I don't know what to do if you have the baby."

"I'm not having the baby."

* * *

Fitz was one of three dads who regularly attended gymnastics practice at The Little Gym Gymnastics Center. The other two were a couple, John and Walter. Their son, Brandon took the same class as Ava twice a week. One or both guys would join practice from time to time but often times than not, it would be John. Since he worked from home, his schedule was more open to do things with their son.

Being the only two men there most of the time, Fitz and John made quick friends. They talked about kids, family, and work as they watched the kids during class.

"Did you guys find a place yet?"

"We did actually. Olivia was a little anxious about it but we closed on it last week."

"Does she not like the place?"

"No, she loves it. Everything just hit us really fast. We weren't planning for another kid and then she finds out that she's pregnant so we were scrambling to find a bigger home. This is her first time owning a home so she wants to make sure it is perfect for us to live in forever."

"Moving is always stressful."

"Yeah, and we're currently on the clock so it just feels like a lot of extra pressure. We wanted to be moved in and settled before the baby comes."

"If you an extra set of hands for the move just let me know. Walt and I will gladly help."

"I'm going to take you up on that offer."

They fell into a silence as they watched the kids run through their practice drills.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Fitz nodded.

"You have a lot of kids."

Fitz gave him a look. Not exactly sure what his question was.

"How do you do it? Walt wants another kid."

"You guys are thinking of adopting again?"

"He's thinking about it."

Fitz nodded. He understood where John was going without him even saying it.

"To answer your question, I am able to do it because I have a half decent ex-wife, an amazing wife, older kids, and lots of family to help."

"But you still have three kids under the age of ten with one on the way. How are you not losing it? Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon but it's a lot. I'm technically a stay at home parent working two jobs. Brandon's schedule and my work obligations are enough, it's too much actually. I can't remember the last time I had a free day."

"Have you told Walt that?"

"I can't bring myself to tell him that."

"You have to tell him."

"Walt wants a lot of kids. If he could, we would be Jon & Kate Plus 8. I'm more realistic. I would like to give Brandon a little sister, I think he deserves it, I'm just not ready for it right now. I honestly don't know if I will ever be ready for it. Walt works a lot so eighty percent of Brandon's activities fall on me."

"Everything you're saying to me, you need to say to him. It literally takes a village to raise a kid, especially if you're a working parent."

"I don't want to crush his dreams."

"You're not. You're not saying that you don't want more kids ever, you are just saying not right now. I think he can understand and respect that if you are honest with him."

"I hope so. I just…"

"You want to give him everything," Fitz finished for him.

"Yeah," John smiled at him, "I guess that's what I get for marrying someone so much younger than me. I have a hard time telling him no because I don't want to ever hold him back from something that he wants."

"Get out of that mindset right now. I'm in no way a relationship expert but you are sitting on a bed ready to be made with resentment. Talk to your husband because if you keep doing things just to please him, you will eventually look back and hate him for something he didn't do."

"Daddy look," Ava yelled.

Fitz looked over at his daughter. Having her dad's full attention, Ava started running and then did a series of cartwheels.

"Way to go, Princess!" Fitz cheered loudly.

Fitz's looked down at his cellphone when he felt it vibrating in his hand.

"Hey Liv."

"Dad."

"Teddy, hey. What's up?"

"You need to get home now. Liv might be having the baby."

"I'm not having the baby," he heard her in the background.

"She is in pain, and denial that she may be having the baby so I figured I would call you."

"I'm on my way," Fitz hung up the phone. "Ava! Come on, we have to go."

"Class isn't over yet."

"I know. Come on, now."

* * *

Olivia was having an outer body experience. She had spent the last few hours at the hospital. When she arrived at the hospital, Olivia was sure that it was a false alarm but her initial vitals prompted her to be admitted. Her blood pressure was so high that she had to be monitored hourly.

After a series of test, Olivia was diagnosed with preeclampsia. From the moment the doctor told her, everything seemed to be happening so fast. She had been given a steroid injection to help the baby's lungs develop because they were inducing her later tonight. They didn't want to risk any organ failure or the baby's life so tonight her little girl was going to join the world.

She watched Fitz and the doctor talk, occasionally nodding to look like she was following the conversation. In truth, Olivia had checked out. She had to if she was going to stay calm enough to get through the next few hours.

Olivia kept replaying the last few weeks over in her mind. She had felt fine with the exception of the headaches she had a few days prior to her birthday and the day of her birthday. The headaches had gone away so she chalked it up to stress about finding a home and moving. But here she was three weeks later being told her blood pressure was extremely high and that her baby had to be born two months before her due date.

Olivia was so deep in thought that she didn't notice that Fitz had been staring at her until he asked her, "How are you feeling?"  
Olivia looked over at Fitz but remained silent. She was trying to stay calm and think positive thoughts but she was scared. Olivia didn't understand why this was happening to her, to her baby.

Her mind was all over the place, going from guilt to worry. She prayed that her daughter wouldn't be born with any serious complications. At thirty-four weeks, the baby was still within the time frame of being premature but being just three weeks shy of the normal time that babies could be born, their daughter was in as good of a position as she could be in this situation to be healthy. Olivia was trying to prepare herself for the worst while being positive that everything was going to be okay.

"Liv," Fitz squeezed her hand to get her attention.

"I feel fine, physically. I just don't understand what my body is doing right now. I was fine yesterday and now I'm here."

"Your body is sitting you down."

Olivia rolled her eyes at him.

"You do a lot, too much sometimes. You have been on go since you found out you were pregnant."

Olivia really wasn't trying to hear what Fitz was saying. It sounded a lot like he was blaming her for the baby being in danger.

"Stop that," Fitz said picking up on her demeanor.

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're not listening to what I'm and you're hearing what you want to hear. It's written all over your face. You're blaming yourself and you're convinced that I'm blaming you too."

"I am housing the little human so technically–"

"Stop it," he cut her off, "You're always trying to take on the world by yourself. Things happen. It's not an ideal situation but we're going to get through this like we do everything else."

Olivia wanted to believe him but she couldn't shut off the part of her brain that was concerned for her baby's safety.

"I wasn't listening to doctor," she admitted.

"I know."

"I'm scared," her voiced cracked.

"You don't have to be. You're vitals are doing better. The baby looks good. Everything is going to be okay."

"I hope so."

"I know so and you have to believe it will be too, Livvie."

* * *

Fitz was running on excitement and hospital coffee. It was the only reason to explain why he hadn't crashed yet after being up for well over twenty-four hours.

He had spent the night going between Olivia's room to the NICU to see his beautiful baby girl. Olivia wanted updates often since she wasn't able to go down and see the baby because she had to rest after having a c-section.

Olivia had tried to push for hour before the decision was made to deliver the baby via c-section since she wasn't going to come naturally.

Harper Amaya Grant came into the world on May 20th at 12:18am. She was such a tiny baby, weighing in at only four pounds. Despite being born premature, Harper seemed to be a fighter. The steroid shot Olivia was given to help develop Harper's lungs had worked pretty well.

She was able to breathe on her own for a little while before a nurse noticed that her breaths were coming in rapidly, and she made this little grunting sound when she took breaths. She was using extra muscles to try to push air out so she was diagnosed with having transient tachypnea.

Harper was given oxygen and her breathing was being monitored as she learned how to breathe on her own without exerting herself. The condition usually only lasted for twenty-four to forty-eight hours so for now she was on heavy observation. She was also given a feeding tube until her lungs started doing what they needed to do on their own. Once she was able to breathe without exerting herself, they were going to try to bottle feed her.

Given all the complications that could happen with preemies, Fitz considered them on the lucky side. He had no doubt in his mind that his daughter was going to be okay.

Fitz stood up when he felt Olivia stir in her sleep. When she opened her eyes, Fitz was the person she saw.

"Good morning, Livvie."

"Morning, babe."

Her voice was strained, throat dry. Fitz poured her a cup of water and handed it to her.

Olivia finished the whole cup of water quickly.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. How's the baby?"

"You're lying."

"I had a baby last night so my pain level is what it is expected to be. How is she?" She asked again.

"She's good. Getting better as time goes on. She is on a feeding tube for the next day or two. The doctors have cut her doses of oxygen down."

"She needed oxygen?! I need to see my daughter now," Olivia snatched her covers off.

"Calm down," Fitz stopped her from trying to get up.

He knew he would have to explain everything to her again because she had been given a pretty nice dose of pain meds.

"Harper is good. She was exerting herself trying to breath so they gave her some oxygen until her lungs fully adjust. The doctor lowered her doses so her breathing isn't as heavy and rapid as it was a few hours ago," he explained calmly.

"I need to see her."

"Okay. I grab a wheelchair and we go up and see her."

When Fitz moved to leave the room, Olivia saw her mother sleeping in a chair in the corner.

"How long has she been here?" Olivia motioned towards her sleeping mother.

"She's been here all night."

It was just like her mother to show up and not be deterred or moved from being by her side, even if Olivia wasn't aware of it.

In the last three years, the two had slowly built a relationship from scratch. Olivia had learned so much about her mother as they got closer. Maya was fearless and crazy overprotective in the best way. She loved with her whole heart. Her children and grandchildren were her greatest accomplishments in life. She was the best grandmother. Olivia loved watching Maya and Ava together. The two had a special bond and Olivia couldn't help but think that Ava was Maya's do over. Everything that Olivia wanted from her mother when she was younger, she saw her being that now with Ava.

Maya was fun and she never took advantage of the opportunity to live life and make memories. Olivia hated that it took them so long to get right with each other but she appreciated how far they had come. It wasn't always easy and they had their moments but Olivia and her mother were the closest they had ever been.

Fitz came back with a wheelchair and helped Olivia out of bed. The two minutes it took for them to get upstairs to the NICU were quiet. Olivia was excited but nervous to see her daughter. It was weird having a baby and only getting to see her for a few seconds before she was taken away.

Fitz pushed her over to the incubator that held their daughter. Olivia remained silent as she took in the sight of her daughter. There were more tubes and wires than she expected.

"She's so tiny," was the first thing Olivia said.

Olivia felt tears forming in her eyes. She wanted to hold her daughter and wasn't able to and that made her emotional.

"You okay?"

She nodded.

"It's a lot to take in when you first see her but trust me, Liv, she's doing great."

"I trust you."

Olivia reached in one of the holes on the side of the incubator and touched Harper's hand. She balled up her hand into a fist around Olivia's finger, and Olivia couldn't help but take it as a sign. Harper was such a strong and beautiful little girl, and she was going to just fine.


	2. House of Love

**House of Love**

"I don't know why I couldn't go to the new house with daddy," Ava slammed herself down in a chair.

Denise stared at her granddaughter. Ava knew by the look on her grandmother's face she was about to be corrected for slamming things.

"It's my house too. I should be there," Ava said before Denise could correct her.

"Honey, they are moving things around. You would be in the way if you were there."

"But Teddy is not in the way."

"He is helping them move. You don't want to have to lift all of those heavy boxes."

"He is not even that strong."

Denise wanted to laugh at her granddaughter but she could tell Ava was seriously upset about not getting to go set up the new house with her dad and older siblings.

"If you were with them, who would help me with Oliver?"

"You raised dad. I think you can handle Ollie."

Denise smiled at her. Ava was really too smart for her own good. She didn't know about her granddaughter sometimes. At her best, Ava was smart, energetic kid who loved to be the center of attention and make people laugh. She loved performing; whether it was singing, dancing, gymnastics, or telling a joke, as long as she could entertain people, Ava was happy. But then there was the other side of Ava that had been showing itself recently. The side came off as bratty and attention seeking. The side that liked to debate at almost every turn and act out whenever she didn't get her way on the simplest things.

Oliver on the other hand was the complete opposite of Ava, actually he didn't act like any of her other grandchildren. He was a shy, mild mannered little boy who was a joy to be around. He was smart and even at just three years old, he loved reading, well being read to and he had recently started learning to spell small words. From what Denise could tell, Oliver seemed to take after his mother more. Olivia wasn't shy by any means but she did have the tendency to be silent and observe.

"Do you want to call your mom?"

Ava nodded.

Denise walked into the kitchen and grabbed her cell phone off of the counter. She dialed the main number to the hospital and when she reached the information desk, she gave Olivia's name to be transferred to her room. Denise handed the phone to Ava before leaving the room to go check on her grandson.

"Hey mommy!" Ava's voice cheered up the moment she heard her mom's voice.

"Hey baby."

"I miss you. When are you coming home?"

"In three days."

"That's too long," Ava sighed.

Olivia exhaled deeply. She missed her kids. She wanted to be home with them and hearing daughter say she missed her too was hard.

"What are you doing? How has your day been going?" Olivia asked.

"Slow and boring. I'm here with grandma Denise."

"Where's your dad?"

"He went to the store," Ava lied.

"Oh."

"How's the baby?"

"She's good. The doctors say she is getting better every day."

"Are you with her now?"

"No. She doesn't get to stay with me yet because the doctors are watching her."

Olivia felt a sadness rise up in her. She had been trying to suppress it but every time she thought about how her daughter was a whole floor away from her made her sad. She was stuck in a hospital room away from her kids and Olivia hated it.

"Talk to me. What's been going on with you?" Olivia asked, deciding to push away her sadness and focus on her daughter.

"Sara and Kennedy were fighting over me."

"Why?"

"We are having best friend week at school and both of them were arguing about who is my best friend. They want me to choose but I told them that best friend isn't a person, it's a tier."

Olivia smiled at Ava's reference to The Mindy Project. It was one of the shows that they binged watched together because Ava loved Mindy Kaling after hearing her voice in the movie _Inside Out_.

"Did you tell them that they are both your best friends?"

"No. Dad said I should wait it out. Weigh my options. Something about healthy competition."

"That sounds a little mean."

"It's mean for them to try to make me pick between them. So I'm teaching them a lesson and helping them to grow as people."

"Where do you even come from?" Olivia laughed.

Her daughter was too much but she needed the laugh that talking to her provided.

* * *

It had taken Olivia a little bit of time to work up the courage to go upstairs and see Harper. It was tough, both physically and mentally. Her body was still recovering and every time she looked at her baby she felt joy, followed by sadness because she couldn't physically be with her for more than a couple hours a day. Every time that Olivia had to leave Harper in the NICU, it felt like a gut punch and a stab to the heart all at once.

Despite being one of the healthier premature babies, Harper still was having a problem with her breathing and she wasn't able to take a bottle yet on her own. It hadn't been said but Olivia knew that if Harper wasn't able to eat on her own, she wouldn't get to come home with her.

As if the nurse in the room could read her mind, she said, "She's doing much better, Mrs. Grant."

Olivia gave a weak smile. She was honestly tired of people tiptoeing around her feelings and out right lying to her by telling her that Harper was doing better when it didn't seem like it.

"She drank a little bit more than usual today."

"But not enough," Olivia mumbled.

"What was that?" the nurse asked.

"Nothing."

"Small progress is better than no progress."

Olivia nodded but said nothing else.

"Do you want to hold her?"

Olivia thought it was a stupid question. Of course she wanted to hold her daughter. She only got to be with her a few hours out of the day.

"Am I allowed?"

Her tone was dripping with sarcasm. Olivia knew that she was being rude but she didn't care. She was annoyed with the stupidity of this whole situation, the intrusion of the nurse's presence on her time with her daughter.

The nurse had dealt with her share of moody mothers so she didn't take Olivia's attitude personal.

Olivia felt a hand on the small of her back. Before she could turn around, Olivia heard the nurse speak to her husband, "Hello Dr. Grant."

"Jeanine," he greeted, "I can take it from here."

Jeanine nodded and smiled before leaving them alone in the room.

"I think you have some of the nurses here a little scared of you."

She turned and faced him, "I haven't done anything."

"You have your ways. Besides the look on your face is a dead giveaway."

Olivia ignored his comment and turned back to her baby.

"Jeanine is cool."

"I don't care."

She carefully picked her up and took a seat in the rocking chair next to the crib.

Fitz watched her demeanor change as she talked to Harper. He could just tell how much being with their daughter calmed her.

"I talked with Dr. Samuels today. He said you get to go home tomorrow. A whole day early."

"And what about Harper?"

"She's going to have to stay a little while longer."

"I can't leave her."

"Liv, you knew this day was coming."

Fitz had said the wrong thing. He had seen that look on her face before. It was a mix of disgust, anger, and disbelief.

"Don't do that. Don't act all nonchalant like leaving our baby in the hospital is an easy thing."

"I didn't say it was easy. I'm sorry if it came off that way. This is one of the hardest things you will have to endure as the mother of a preemie," he moved over to her, "But it is a necessary, normal thing that happens. Until the baby is healthy enough for the parents to properly care for them, they normally have to stay in the hospital."

Olivia knew he was right but that didn't stop her from dreading the day she would be going home without her daughter.

"Her daddy is a doctor so I'm pretty sure we can properly take care of her," Olivia was only half serious.

Fitz smiled at her.

"We are waiting for some equipment and for her to be able to take a full bottle before she can come home."

"What equipment?"

"A home apnea monitor." Her questioning expression made him continue, "Harper has apnea of prematurity."

"What is that?"

"A form of sleep apnea seen in preemies. The baby will stop breathing for fifteen to twenty seconds during sleep."

"She stops breathing in her sleep?"

Fitz nodded.

"Is she…is she going to…"

Olivia couldn't utter the words but Fitz knew what she was asking.

"No. She's not going to die."

"She stops breathing in her sleep. She could…"

"Harper is not going to die."

Olivia looked down at her daughter. Fitz grabbed her hand and Olivia looked him.

"Do you see that machine right there?"

Olivia looked at the machine he pointed at.

"That is a cardiorespiratory monitor. It tracks her heart rate and an alarm will go off if she is not breathing. When the alarms go off, a nurse immediately comes in and checks the baby for any signs of distress."

Olivia must have really been out of it. She couldn't recall anyone updating her on Harper's condition. The last few days all felt like a blur. She had to pull it together, for her sanity and her daughter.

"When did all of this start?"

"We've been monitoring her breathing since the beginning. It was shallow for a while and Dr. Samuels ran test before diagnosing her with apnea of prematurity two days ago."

Olivia didn't have the energy to question why she was the last to be updated about her daughter's condition. She knew it was probably Fitz's doing.

"The home monitor is more of precaution for the parents' peace of mind. As she gets older the sleep apnea will go away on its own," Fitz continued.

Olivia nodded.

"You okay with all this?"

"I'm going to have to be."

"Do you have any questions?"

She shook her head.

"I know it's a lot—"

"I trust you, Fitz. It is a lot to take in but this is your area of expertise. I trust your knowledge of this whole process more than I trust my emotions which are all over the place right now."

"Thank you for trusting me," Fitz brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it.

* * *

"How long are you going to be in New York?"

"At least three weeks maybe more. I'm visiting family," Jerry slowed his car down as he searched for a parking spot.

"I want to see you."

"You just saw me last week."

"And I want to see you again."

Jerry shook his head and chuckled, "Don't be so clingy, Sam."

"Don't make me catch a flight to fight you, Four."

Jerry smiled hearing the nickname Samantha had given him. She had commented how pretentious his name sounded being that he was a fourth. Instead of calling him Jerry, most of the time Sam called him Four.

"That's what you want to do anyway."

"I'm waiting on an invite."

"And you'll continue to wait," Jerry said, half joking. He really had no intentions of inviting her to come visit him and his family but he wasn't opposed to her coming. There was just a lot going on right now. Olivia and his newborn sister were still in the hospital. They were partially moved into the new family home. His bedroom wasn't even set up yet so Jerry didn't know where he was sleeping, he couldn't say if they had the space for a house guest.

"I'm being serious and you're making me beg you for a place to stay," the sound of her voice told him that she was serious.

Jerry had met Samantha Collins two years ago through mutual friends. She was feisty, energetic, opinionated, and honest. All of which had Jerry enthralled with her. They had been friends for a while and over the course of the last semester, things seemed to shift. They flirted more with each other and she was giving him vibe like she wanted to move their friendship into a new territory.

"You know you don't have to beg. If you want to come, then come," Jerry pulled into a parking spot, "It's just a lot is up in the air right now. I was planning on staying with my dad and stepmom since they probably need my help with my younger siblings. My stepmom is in the hospital because she gave birth to my baby sister a week ago."

"You're twenty-one and your dad is still making babies?"

"Yeah, second marriage. Second set of kids. We're pretty spaced out here."

"How many of you guys are there?"

"Six. With four of the six being under ten years old."

"Wow, your dad has been busy."

"I didn't need that visual."

"I'm sorry," she laughed.

Jerry was happy to hear her tone return to the lightness it normally held.

"You should come visit. I would love to have you," he said before quickly adding, "I will warn you that we just moved into a new house a few days ago so everything isn't really unpacked yet. But I have a room at my mom's place if you have a problem sleeping in an unfurnished room."

"Beggars can't be choosey."

He grabbed his bag off of the passenger seat and got out of his car.

"When is your flight?" Jerry took a wild guess but knowing her, he knew that she had probably already brought her plane ticket.

"Thursday," she let out a nervous chuckle, "I swear I'm not trying to be clingy. I just can't stay in this house with my parents. You don't have to babysit me while I'm in town."

"Oh, you're not getting rid of me. You wanted to visit so we're going to visit. We are going to be tourist in the city together."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always being there for me and not judging my impulsive tendencies."

"No need for thanks. Showing up for someone you care about is the bare minimum."

Jerry used his key to unlock the door and went inside.

"Hi daddy," came a small voice from behind him the moment that he shut the front door.

When Jerry turned around, Ava looked disappointed.

"Oh, Jerry, it's you."

"Don't sound so excited to see me," Jerry said.

Ava smiled at him as she walked over to him. Just like when she was a little younger, Ava held her arms up and Jerry picked her up.

She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "I am happy to see you. I was just waiting for daddy."

"By yourself."

She nodded.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Sam said when it was apparent Jerry's attention was elsewhere.

Jerry had momentarily forgotten that he was on the phone. He said his goodbyes and then hung up.

"Who was that?" Ava asked.

"My friend."

"Your girlfriend?"

"Just my friend," Jerry put her down, "You shouldn't be down here by yourself."

"I can't sleep in this house without mommy and daddy."

"I don't think dad and Liv would want you missing sleep over them."

"I don't like it here. We shouldn't have left the old house with mommy still in the hospital. How will she know where to come home to?"

"Dad's going to bring her home."

"But will she be mad that we left the old house without telling her."

"They brought the house so they were planning on moving in anyway.

"I guess you're right."

"Come on," Jerry reached out his hand for her to grab it, "Time for you to go to bed."

* * *

"Harper, my beautiful, precious little gift from God. You've been in my life for a week and you've already stolen my heart. I love you more than words can explain," she stroked her daughter's hair as she talked to her, "Mommy is so sorry that she has to leave you here. I'm sorry that my body wasn't strong enough for you to be born healthy. I feel like I failed you."

Olivia wiped away a fallen tear. She had told herself she wasn't going to cry. The day had finally come for Olivia to go home, and even though Fitz had explained their daughter's condition and why Harper needed to stay a little while longer, it wasn't easy to leave her daughter.

Right now the hospital was the safest place for her daughter to be. Olivia tried to keep that in mind as she prepared to do what felt like the impossible.

"I'm going to try to be as strong as you are. I'm going to go home, see your sisters and brothers, and we are going to get ready for you to come home," Olivia continued talking to Harper. She knew her daughter couldn't understand a word of what she was saying but Olivia needed to say the words, she needed to hear those words. Maybe it would help her head and heart get aligned so that she could be fully functioning for her family.

"I'm going to visit you every day."

"You can't forget that you're healing as well and you need to take it easy," Dr. Samuels said making his presence known. "You weren't in your room so I figured you would be here."

He pulled up a seat and sat down in front of her.

"I have your discharge papers. We need to discuss your healing process and any questions you may have about yourself and the care of your baby."

He glanced down at the papers, skimming over them as he began to tell her about her recovery.

"It can take up to eight weeks for you to get back into your normal routine. Take extra care in getting around while you heal. Avoid going up and down stairs if you can. Don't lift anything heavier than your baby. If you have to sneeze or cough, hold your abdomen to protect the incision site."

Olivia listened as he rattled off things she needed to know about her at home recovery.

"Avoid sex, tampons, and douching until after your six week checkup. Avoid strenuous exercise but do take gentle walks as often as you can. The movement will help your body heal and prevent constipation and blood clots," he looked up from her discharge papers.

"Am I going too fast?"

"Nope."

"Do you have any questions?"

"None that I can think of at the moment."

Dr. Samuels stared at her for a moment before saying, "It's a long journey but I want you to know that we are here to help you and Harper get through this. If you need to talk to someone we have a whole team of amazing doctors waiting to be of assistance to you."

He stared at her as if he was waiting for her to say something. When she didn't, he added, "I just need your signature on these and you will officially be released from the hospital."

* * *

Fitz shut off the car and glanced over at Olivia.

"Welcome home."

Olivia stared at the front door of their new place but said nothing.

"What's on your mind?"

"You moved us in."

"We're not fully unpacked yet but it's livable. I thought it would be easier on you if you didn't have to worry about packing up the old house and moving into this one. This way we are a little settled in for when Harper comes home."

Olivia didn't know what to say or think. It was a nice gesture but totally unexpected. She had only been gone a week. She couldn't believe how so much had changed in her life in seven days. It didn't feel like this was her home.

Olivia went to open her car door.

"I got it," Fitz hurriedly got out of the car and walked around to her side so he could help her out of the car.

Olivia wanted to tell him that she didn't need his assistance getting out of the car but she knew he was just trying to take care of her so she let him.

They walked up to the front door and Fitz opened it, letting Olivia walk in first.

"Welcome home, mommy!"

Olivia was barely in the door when Ava came running up to her up with open arms. She felt a slight bit of discomfort as her daughter hugged her tight.

"Careful, Ava," Fitz said when he caught Olivia wince.

"It's fine."

Olivia didn't want to be handled like she was a fragile.

"Did you see your banner, mommy? I made it and Ollie helped a little."

"It's beautiful."

The welcome home banner was the first thing Olivia noticed when she walked in.

Olivia's hand instinctively went to her abdomen as she knelt down so she could greet her son.

"Let me guess, the red and yellow lightning bolts are from you."

Ollie nodded.

"Team Flash to help you get home really fast."

He seemed so proud of himself and that made Olivia smile.

Olivia held her arms open and Oliver walked into her arms.

"I missed you," she hugged and kissed him all over his face until he giggled.

"That's enough kisses, mommy," he managed to say in between his giggles.

"Okay," Olivia released him and stood up slowly.

"You good?" Fitz asked.

"Perfectly fine."

"Good to have you home, Liv," Teddy said.

"Good to be home."

Olivia stepped further into the house and took in the décor. There was brand new everything. The walls in the living room had been painted navy blue. All the furniture was different shades of gray. The rug on the floor was navy blue and white. Everything in the room seemed so dark, or maybe it was just Olivia's mood that kept her from appreciating all the work that had been done to get the room prepared.

"Where's the baby?" Ollie asked.

If looks could kill, Oliver would be dead from the look that Ava gave him.

"What? You said when mommy gets home from the hospital, I was going to be a big brother but there is no baby," he tried to whisper.

Olivia actually found it adorable. Ollie reminded her so much of Teddy when he was younger. They both had this really innocent caring side to them and they were just trying to understand the world around them.

"You are still a big brother. The baby just had to stay at the hospital a little longer," Teddy explained to him.

Olivia smiled at Teddy.

"I finally have my own room! Do you want to see it?" Ava said excitedly.

"Maybe you can let your mom get in the house and sit down a little first."

"I've been in bed all week. I can walk around a little," Olivia interjected. Turning to Ava, Olivia said, "So tour guide, we're starting with your room."

The look of pure joy on Ava's face helped to settle any doubts that Olivia was feeling. Olivia was home and surrounded by people who loved her.

"Come on. We can take the elevator," Ava grabbed her mother's hand and led her away.

* * *

 **THREE DAYS LATER**

" _Hello," Olivia called out so that someone would know she was there._

' _ **Where was here?**_ _' She thought as she walked down the long hallway. Olivia didn't know where she was or how she got there but she didn't feel like she was in danger so she kept walking.  
"Is anyone here?" She called out but was met with more silence._

' _ **This is exactly how people die in horror movies**_ _,' she thought as stopped walking to take in her surroundings. She really shouldn't have been in a strange place all alone._

' _ **How the hell did I get here**_ _,' Olivia decided to turn around and head back in the direction she had been coming from. Better safe than sorry. She had made it halfway back down the hall when she heard the sound of children laughing and playing._

 _Olivia followed the sound of the children._

" _Mommy, the baby is so pretty," Oliver appeared seemingly out of nowhere._

" _What?" She looked down at him.  
_

 _"Harper is so pretty, mommy," he said before running off.  
_

 _"Ollie, come back here," Olivia ran after him.  
_

 _Oliver ran into a room and Olivia followed behind him._

 _Before he could get away, Olivia gripped him up and made him look at her, "Oliver Thomas Grant, you know you are not supposed to run off by yourself."  
_

 _"Ow. You're hurting me."_

 _Olivia loosened her grip._

" _I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you. You can't run off by yourself. When I call you, you have to come back. You can get hurt like that."_

" _I'm not by myself."_

 _Olivia looked over and saw Ava with a baby that looked like an older version of Harper standing by an indoor pool. The baby had to be about seven months old._

" _What is happening right now?" Olivia said lowly._

" _Mom, why are you acting so weird?" Ava asked._

" _Are you okay?" Ollie asked._

 _Olivia looked back and forth between her children._

' _ **Where the hell are we?**_ _' Olivia thought as she looked around. Nothing looked familiar and the sudden appearance of her children had her on high alert._

" _We need to go."_

" _Mom, do you want to see a trick?"  
_

 _"No. We have to go."_

" _Look at Harper swim."_

 _Olivia looked just in time to see Harper go into the water._

" _NO!" Olivia screamed as she ran over to the pool. Without a second thought, she jumped in to get her daughter. Olivia swam to the bottom of the pool and searched frantically for Harper but she was nowhere to be found in the water._

 _Olivia started to panic when she couldn't find her baby. She continued to look for Harper until she felt a burning sensation in her throat. Olivia needed to come up for air but her daughter, she couldn't leave her._

 _Olivia continued to search for her daughter until she could no longer hold her breath. She swam up to the top, gasping for air. Her heart was racing and after a few seconds, she was about to go back under when she heard her daughters voice._

" _Cool trick, right mommy?"_

 _Then she saw them. All three of her kids were on the side of the pool staring at her._

" _Harper is a good swimmer like you, mommy."_

 _Olivia tried to get out of the water but it was like her foot was caught on something. The harder she tried to get out the pool, the harder it was for her to move. Seconds passed and then Olivia felt herself being pulled under._

Olivia's eyes shot open and it took a few moments for her to realize where she was at. It was dream. But it felt real. Her heart was racing and she felt like she couldn't breathe. Olivia tried to calm her breathing but she couldn't quite catch her breath. It felt like someone was sitting on her chest.

She placed her hand over her heart in an attempt to stop it from racing. Closing her eyes, Olivia tried to focus on her breathing like she had learned in yoga. She patted on her chest as she counted backwards from ten. Olivia repeated this action until her breathing came back to normal.

Olivia opened her eyes letting out a heavy sigh. It was just a terrible dream.

"Are you okay?"

Fitz groggy voice penetrated through the darkness of the room, catching Olivia off guard.

"Yeah," she said lowly. "Go back to sleep."

Olivia felt the bed move and she knew that he wasn't going back to sleep.

Fitz sat up, turning on the lamp on his bedside table. Turning to look at her, he stared at her for a long moment without saying anything.

"What?"

"Are you okay?" He asked her again.

"I'm fine," she said unconvincingly. "Am I not acting okay?"

Fitz didn't answer her question. His silence made her uncomfortable.

"I had a bad dream," Olivia finally said.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head just before the first tear fell down her face. Olivia didn't know if she was trying to shake away the tears or tell Fitz that she wasn't okay. Maybe it was both.

"Come here," Fitz moved closer to her and she shook her head again.

"I'm fine," Olivia spoke more sternly but it was clear that she wasn't fine.

"No, you're not. People who are ' _fine_ ' don't just burst into tears."

"My emotions are all over the place," she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Talk to me about it. Work it out with me."

Something in Olivia softened in that moment. Fitz was trying to be there for her and she just had to let him.

"My dream or in general?"

"Both. I can't help if I don't what's going on."

"In my dream I was in this strange place. It felt familiar, like I was safe there but I didn't know where I was. Then I heard children laugh. I saw Ollie and he ran away from me," Olivia paused as she was trying to piece together the parts of her dream, "I chase him into this room that has an indoor pool. I am telling him how he is never supposed to run off by himself and away from me. He tells me that he is not alone and points to Ava and Harper. But Harper older and for some reason I feel like we need to leave this strange place. I'm on high alert because the kids are with me now."

Olivia pauses and looks at Fitz. He is listening intently and nods for her to continue.

"So I'm trying to get them to come with me but they don't because I guess I'm looking like a mad woman to them. Ava asked me if I wanted to see a trick? I said no and I'm telling them to come on because for some reason, I'm in a full panic now. This strange place is suddenly dangerous because I have them with me. Ava says something about seeing Harper swim and the next thing I know, she's in the water. I go in after but I can't find her anywhere in the pool. I can't breathe," Olivia's voice cracked, "I came up for air. I left her," tears fell down Olivia's face and she started to feel like she couldn't breathe again.

Fitz pulled her to him, "Breathe baby."

He rubbed circles on lower back to help calm her down.

"I left her," Olivia said when she was able to speak again.

"You said she wasn't in the pool."

"I saw her go in but I couldn't find her."

"Then what happened?"

"I came up for air but I kept being pulled back down into the water. One of the times that I tried to come up, I saw all three kids standing by the pool looking at me, then I tried to get to them but I couldn't get out of the water. As I was being pulled down, you were there with all of the kids. I stopped trying to get to the top and the last thing I remember is everyone watching me drown."

Fitz wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry that I'm such a mess right now."

"You don't ever have to apologize for that."

Olivia wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She craved his touched.

"Can you hold me?" She asked timidly.

Fitz positioned himself so that Olivia was laying on top of him. His arms engulfed her and they laid there in silence for a long while.

"It's the house," Fitz broke the silence between them after a few minutes, "The familiar but strange place in your dream."

Olivia looked up at him.

"Harper is older because you feel like you are losing time with her not being here. The fear of the unknown makes it impossible to do the thing that you know you can do, and that is overwhelming. That's the whole swimming pool and drowning part of your dream."

"Wow. You just thought that up, right then and there?"

"I listen to you and I know you. So a good 87% of the time, I know where your head is at."

"Well it's a good thing you know where my head is at because I feel like I'm losing it a little. I'm tired of crying and being sad."

"Do you think you need to talk to someone?"

Olivia shrugged.

"I think you should talk to someone. You're clearly not going to talk to me about it. It's not good to bottle up things. Talking to someone will be good. We can make sure you are not going through postpartum depression."

Olivia nodded in agreement.

"I want to talk to you."

"But?"

"Everything sounds bad in my head."

"You know that I'm not going to judge anything you say."

"I know," suddenly she felt vulnerable and exposed. It was an odd feeling considering, Fitz had seen at her worse and loved her anyway. Olivia could only chalk her feelings up to all her hormones.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. I'm trying to say thank you for everything. The house, waking up to listen to my bad dream and talking me off of the ledge, putting up with me and my mood swings these last few days. Thank you for everything."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I do. I haven't been myself and I know that you put a lot of work and time into getting things perfect for the baby and me and I just want you to know that I appreciate everything that you did. It took a lot to work and pull this off while still visiting me and taking care of the kids."

"Really, Livvie, I just did what I was supposed to do and took care of my family."

Olivia leaned up and kissed him on the lips, "You're perfect. What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"You loved me and put up with my shit."

Olivia gave him a little smile.

Before she could overthink it, Olivia just start saying what was on her mind.

"I had a baby before I was supposed to have a baby. She was literally cut out of my stomach. I didn't get to bring her into this world. She was taken from me and it feels like she is still being taken from me. I'm home and she is not here. It doesn't feel right. A part of me is missing and I can't function."

Fitz didn't have the right words to comfort her. Being a man, he didn't know what she was going through. All the medical terminology and reassurance didn't feel like it would be enough. So instead of saying anything, he held her tighter.

She appreciated his embrace.

"I think I should talk to someone too."

"I'll call someone."

* * *

 **ONE WEEK LATER**

Fitz had set up an appointment for Olivia to talk to someone about the way she was feeling. After a few days of running test and taking surveys, Olivia was finally sitting down with Dr. Lara Wilson.

Olivia was no stranger to therapy. She had been to enough session in her adult life to know how this all works. But this time she was actually nervous. Olivia prayed that whatever she was going through was just temporary nerves and worries about Harper and not something more serious like postpartum depression.

"We can start whenever you're ready."

Olivia made eye contact with Dr. Wilson and gave a subtle nod. Glancing over at the clock, Olivia saw that they had been sitting in silence for eight minutes. ' _It was now or never_ ,' she told herself as she mentally prepared herself to open up her soul to this complete stranger.

"Everything in the last few weeks seem to be happening really fast and I'm having a hard time adjusting."

"Since you had the baby or since you went home?"

"Both. I think...having my daughter early just kind of shook everything up in my life."

"Is this your first child?"

"No. My third. Completely unplanned. Well technically none of my children were planned but this one was a complete shock."

"How was your pregnancy?"

"It was fine."

"No health concerns?"

"No."

"You said this pregnancy was unplanned. How did you feel about it?"

Olivia shrugged, "I felt pregnant. I don't know."

"Were you happy? Sad? Upset? After the shock wore off, how did you feel?"

"Overwhelmed," she answered honestly. "My kids are three and four. They're potty trained, they can talk and tell you what's wrong with them. You can sit them down in a room with a book or an iPad and they will be fine. They have older siblings that are six to eighteen years older than them so they are very mature for their age. But a baby is work, carrying a baby is work. And I already have a full time job on top of being full time mom. I didn't need any more work on my plate."

"Did you ever talk to anyone about feeling overwhelmed?"

"Not really. I took the test with my husband and I cried when I found out I was pregnant. I never came out and said I was overwhelmed but I broke down in front of my mother once."

"How did your husband react to your tears?"

"Same way he always reacts. He told that everything was going to be fine and we were going to get through this like we have gotten through everything else."

"Did it make you feel better?"

"For a while it did."

"And then what changed?"

"We were looking for a new house. Everything was happening at once and I started to stress about things?"

"Is this around the time you broke down with your mom? Or was that a different time?"

"It was the same time. I was five months pregnant and we were having a hard time finding a house and I was stressed. I just cried like a baby. I told her…," Olivia stopped herself because it was hard to say the words out loud.

"What did you tell her."

"I told her I didn't want a baby. I didn't want a new house. I didn't want to deal with any of the stuff that was spilling off of my already full plate."

Dr. Wilson paused momentarily, not having a follow up question.

"Sounds like you live a very full but stressful life."

"Yeah, you can say that."

"There was a slight shift in your demeanor. What changed just now?"

"I feel like I did this to my daughter. I didn't want another kid. I have a girl and a boy. I was set with the perfect pair. Then I get pregnant. I actually said out loud that I didn't want her. By the time I said that, I had heard her heartbeat, I knew her sex, and those feelings were still there. I did this to her."

"No, you didn't. Your daughter came into this world because it was her time. Not because of anything you said or thought."

Dr. Wilson looked down at the folder on her desk.

"How do you feel about your daughter now that she is here?"

"I love her with all my heart. I can't imagine my world without her. I'm completely scared out of my mind but also excited about bringing her home."

Looking up from her folder, Dr. Wilson said, "So the good news is that based off of your test results and speaking with you today, I don't feel like you have postpartum depression."

"I'm waiting for the but."

"You have the potential to get there. Right now you are dealing with what we call postpartum baby blues. It could be caused by a number of reasons. Your birth didn't go as planned, you didn't get to take your daughter home with you, you being worried about your baby, all can be a factor."

"When will this feeling go away?"

"It could last a few weeks. The real test for you will be once your baby is home. If the feeling last for more than a few weeks with your baby home, we could be looking at a case of postpartum depression. It is really a matter of how well you manage your stress and lean on others for help. Feeling overwhelmed is bound to happen but you can try to minimize those feelings but allowing others to help you and talking about what you are feeling. You can't isolate yourself because isolation can lead you down a road that we are trying to avoid."

Olivia was taking in all that Dr. Wilson was telling her. Just getting her fears and feelings out there made it feel like a great weight had been lifted off of her shoulders.

"I want to follow up with you in two weeks to see how you are doing and then we can go from there."

Dr. Wilson scheduled Olivia for a follow up appointment and gave her some assignments to try at home so that they could have a starting point for the next time they met.

After Olivia left Dr. Wilson's office, she went to go see her daughter.

When she made it to the NICU, she found Fitz sitting a rocking chair with Harper in his arms.

"Aren't you supposed to be working?" Olivia jokingly said as she walked into the room.

"Perks of being the boss, I guess," he looked up from Harper and asked, "How did it go?"

"Good. I have a case of the baby blues. I need to find a way to manage my stress and communicate more because isolating while feeling overwhelmed can lead to depression. She says the real test will be how I manage when the baby is home. We're meeting again in two weeks."

Olivia couldn't read Fitz's face. He stared at her with his lopsided grin and she wondered what she had said that inspired that look.

"What is that look on your face?"

Fitz motioned towards some papers that were on a table behind Olivia. Olivia picked up the papers and looked over them.

"Dr. Wilson almost spilled the beans before I could tell you."

Olivia skimmed over the papers. Harper increased her weight by almost two pounds and had been successfully taking a bottle on her own for the last four days. She read the words, ' _ **Instructions for care at home**_ ' several times before looking over at Fitz, "Is this…"

Fitz nodded and looked down at his daughter, "This little one is coming home today."

* * *

 **A/N: I know. It's been forever but life has been happening. I graduated last year & spent a few months looking for jobs in my field but then I ended up getting a retail job as my second job back in December. I went from working 28 hours a week at one job to working about 65-70 between two jobs. I had no time to write even when I wanted to. So over the last couple of months, I wrote a little and this update is what I came up with. I struggled to write this because both jobs kept me busy to the point that I found it hard to write. I put in my two weeks notice at my retail job because working in retail sucks & I want to focus my energy on finding a job in my field. I'm trying to get back to writing because writing really is my stress reliever.**

 **I really hope this chapter was at least a little bit enjoyable.** **I'm not a mom but I tried to capture the up and down feelings and fears that someone would be going through after giving birth to a premature baby. The next chapter will be a time jump so I can get back to the good that is this version of Olitz.**


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